Category Archives: Hipster Abraham Lincoln Reviewments

Hipster Abraham Lincoln Reviewments: Discovery’s LP

Hipster Lincoln inline skates to be ironic.

Hipster Lincoln inline skates to be ironic.

Former Illinois Senator, Abraham Lincoln, is a resident opinionator here at the Company. From time to time he opinionates movies, music, & sometimes even other things! As Abraham Lincoln eloquently puts it himself, “I do these whenever it is Mary Todd’s time of the month. That time which happens every month when she forces me to try and be more “hip” with the younger generations and such.”

Here is his take on Discovery’s LP, the new release for Vampire Weekend’s Rostam Batmanglij and Ra Ra Riot’s Wes Miles.

Buy it today for under 4 dollars here.

Ah, a record such as this truly reminds me why I liberated all those people back in the day and gave them their full rights of dance. Sure there were other rights, but I feel the dancing part was the most important, perhaps that is just the old beard talking again though.

I have been a fan of both the Vampire Weekend and the Ra Ra Riot ever since my son, Tad, introduced them to me while we were riding our horses (the only means of transportation back in my day, kids! Not even walking was invented until 1922) to the local supermarket to buy some organic oranges.

To be quite honest I did not naturally relate to the heavily campus and youth based lyrics, but by God I certainly acted as if I did! Certainly would not want to lose credibility, especially not in those days when even a slight misstep such as not relating to Vampire Weekend would have been an easy target of criticism for those Southern ruffians. Those damn Confederates were always scrutinizing my levels of hipness. By God it almost makes me glad I was shot so I no longer had to hear Robert E. Lee’s constant ramblings on how I was not wearing my keffiyeh just right!

But I digress…

This new effort is if not exceptional, as the two’s former works certainly are, at least quite good. Rostam shows great talent and musical wherewithal in every song layering complex noise after complex noise while also maintaining or purposely detracting from lovely rhythms.

The only problems I had with this record were a few moments of cliche/poppish song-writing and a consistent quality of sounding like nothing more than an EP rather than a final LP (as the record is even named).

In any case, this is certainly one of the best efforts of the year so far.

Lincoln Rating: 3 1/2 well-brimmed top hats.

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Hipster Abraham Lincoln Reviewments: “Blue Spotted Tail” New From Fleet Foxes

Hipster Lincoln inline skates to be ironic.

Hipster Lincoln inline skates to be ironic.

Former Illinois Senator, Abraham Lincoln, is a resident opinionator here at the Company. From time to time he opinionates movies, music, & sometimes even other things! As Abraham Lincoln eloquently puts it himself, “I do these whenever it is Mary Todd’s time of the month. That time which happens every month when she forces me to try and be more “hip” with the younger generations and such.”

Here is his take on “Blue Spotted Tail” a new song from the band Fleet Foxes. Get mp3 here.

Good kids, just like Tad and Robert

Good kids, just like Tad and Robert

Hello there. I shall keep my sentiments brief as I have an important date with Mary Todd in a few minutes, and she goes CRAZY if I show up late. However, she will go crazy even if I show up on time, but her insanity is besides the point.

I first heard this band on the jukebox (a music playing device from my time, children) about a month ago while taking a train ride to Philadelphia to give an important speech on the importance of a well-kept beard and was beyond impressed.

Since that time, Fleet Foxes has continued to impress me with outstanding live musical performances and a continued anti-slavery sentiment.

This new single, performed live on the BBC, is sensational and is a song the whole Lincoln family is sure to enjoy! Except Mary Todd. She does not seem to enjoy anything anymore. Besides the extensive role playing we do in the bedroom. But I digress!

Long proclamation short, download the song onto your portable cassette players (another device of my era) and look out for more music from Fleet Foxes in the future!

lincoln rating

Lincoln Rating: 4 well-brimmed top hats.

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A Review of Animal Collective’s Merriweather Post Pavilion as done by Abraham Lincoln

Former Illinois Senator, Abraham Lincoln, is a resident opinionator here at the Company. Here is his take on Animal Collective’s new album

Well it is Mary Todd’s time of the month again. That time which happens every month when she forces me to try and be more “hip” with the younger generations and such. This month I have decided to do a review of what the colder kids are calling a “see-Dee” which I assume is called such due to the fact that when the such invention is played about the dance clubs (I am aware to what those are due to my last month’s attempt at trendiness entitled “Raving With Authority: An Exploration of Dance”) some mighty fine young lady named Dee emerges onto the dance floor and captivates the surrounding audience in movement. As I said I may be incorrect, but that is my current understanding on the subject matter.

Anyways, the particular music I shall be covering is a piece by a musical accompaniment which calls themselves Animal Collective. The aforementioned accompaniment has recently released a record so-entitled Merriweather Post Pavilion, after a quite famous stage located near the great NORTHERN city of Baltimore (as an aside, if the city I have just so mentioned had been something such as Charleston, I shan’t not have deemed it to be great rather deeming it to be something un-great or negative great).

Let me just say, regarding the record, it literally BLEW MY MIND. I have proof. I shall show the hole in my head upon request. And I bet you are thinking you are really smart right now, thinking, “Hey! Abraham Lincoln! Didn’t John Wilkes Booth shoot you in the head!?” In response I would first say why all the yelling? I am currently located in a relatively small room right now and your voice is echoing like the Union cannons of victory on a Louisiana morning. Second I would say, all that John Wilkes Booth gibberish and down-right jabberish was a cover-up to the (as I have aforementioned) MIND-BLOWING qualities of Merriweather Post Pavilion. The see-Dee killed me. I shall be the first to admit it. But by God’s grace it was worth it.

Now you may be thinking, “If the John Wilkes Booth story was just a cover-up, what else has my government been lying to me about?” Well, I the humble Abraham Lincoln shall let you on a secret this very day. Remember JFK? (You know, the second most attractive president of all time). Remember the way he used to laugh, the way he used to make us all smile? Now remember that day when he was “shot.” I do not. I was dead. But you should, yes you should indeed remember. Well from my understanding which I have come to acquire from my time spent in the great cloudy kingdom in the sky (of course I am speaking of my personal Goodyear blimp from which I have been able to conduct extensive surveillance work) his beautiful head was not done in by a “bullet” but instead by a copy of the Beatles’ recently released album Please Please Me. Now I am quite certain you all remember the first time you heard the harmonious melodies of the “Fab 4.” It was pretty special, am I right? Well the overwhelming aesthetic beauty was just a bit too much for JFK to bear, so his head exploded, much like mine. Actually that is misleading, it was exactly like mine.

But I digress. Point is, at exactly 2:31 of the opening track “In the Flowers” I heard a curious noise that made my head explode. Out of fear of what would happen to other parts of my body if I continued to listen I had Mary Todd finish the see-Dee for me. Let’s just say ever since then she has been CRAZY. And I mean it too. Look it up in a book.

If you’re reading this I sure hope you have already perused that Mary Todd Lincoln biography you had lying around and have so forth realized I was correct in stating that that woman was, as you hipsters may put it, “Riggy-Riggy-Ridonculous.” If you have not perused the afore-suggested bio, I wish to allow you to know that I am greatly offended and feel downright betrayed. Even more betrayed than I felt when half of my country left me right after taking the sacred oath of presidential office. Yes, that’s right, even more betrayed than that. The least you could do is heed my advice and purchase this see-Dee as it truly is something quite exquisite. And hey, maybe you shall not have your cerebral lobe blown out as I did.

If you stare really hard for five minutes you can see my top hat!

If you stare really hard for five minutes you can see my top hat!

Lincoln Rating: 4 1/2 well-brimmed top hats.

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