This is going to be so awesome. The levels of my excitement are literally off the charts. Why literally? Because there are no charts.
I can’t believe someone would just leave a shovel lying around like that. What a find. What. A. Find. This truly has to be my lucky day.
Not as lucky as that one day though. That one time with that one penny that started it all. Now that was a penny, and I know a thing or two about pennies. THING 1: They’re copper. THING 2: …I’ll come back to this.
I still can’t get over this shovel find. This is better than Christmas, Halloween, and 10:47 A.M. all put together and then combined. Speaking of Christmas, that really is a good holiday. I know people are ALWAYS saying that, but it really is. I enjoy it. I’ll be the first to admit it.
But honestly, this is going to be ridiculous. I just need to find the perfect spot first. And not just some cliché perfect spot, like there. No, that would be way too cliché. No, this is a good spot for digging.
Oh I’m going to find something really sweet now. Maybe I should whistle a digging song as I work. Actually bad idea. The last time I tried to whistle someone got hurt in the process. Now granted it was me, and granted it wasn’t so much the whistling as the fact that I was trying to prove to my friend Larry that I could whistle under water, and granted (triple granted? I’ll let the math majors figure out if that’s a positive or negative thing) long ago I made a pact with myself to never be a quitter EVER (E-V-E-R) so long story short, I was officially dead for two and a half minutes. You know what though? It is time to move on. I’m going to go with the whistling and strike a dastardly pose in the process to up my already high level of sex appeal as I am digging in the dirt (little known fact, women love men who dig in the dirt). Oh….it seems I can’t even whistle. Hmm. Mental note: no more whistling in various situations bets.
I wonder if I’m going to get all the way to China from here. I bet I can. I once knew a kid that did it. Well I didn’t actually know the kid, but my friend back in grade school was telling me about him. Apparently he just got a shovel, kind of like the shovel I have right now except it was a little bit different, and started digging to China. As the story was told to me back in grade school, he made it to China, saw that the economy there was doing surprisingly well, and decided to stay and get a job as an accountant. To be honest, I’m not sure if I really believe the story. I feel like China doesn’t even have an economy.
Alright so it appears as if I have about a good cubic foot dug here. It’s a start, it’s a start. I’m really starting to get all antsy about what I’m going to find down there. My number one guess is good ole-fashioned pirate treasure. A lot of people do not know this, but there were a lot more pirates than people realize. Chances are, they could have buried their whole treasure right here, where I’m digging.
So that was my guess number one. Guess number two would probably have to go to….hmmm…..love. It really is the greatest treasure one can find. That one was for my girlfriend. She likes it when I say really romantic things like that. I know I didn’t just say it right there, I thought it, but as she says all the time, “Don’t even think I can’t see what ya’ll thinking.” I love her, I really do.
My third guess, do I get three guesses? Well that was silly of me to ask! I’m just thinking to myself so therefore I can get as many guesses as I want! Anyways, my third guess would have to be…OH MY GOD! I think I found something!
Yes. I definitely found something. It’s…it’s…it’s…it’s…it’s…it’s…it’s…it’s… oh wait that was just my foot. FALSE ALARM!
Anyways, my third guess would be an ancient Mayan city. Historians have no clue where those guys went. It’s just like one day they were there, and historians could see them, and then the historians left their viewing monitors for like two seconds to go like…I don’t know…get coffee or go to Cirque du Soleil and then came back and the Mayans weren’t there anymore. Didn’t even leave a note to say where they were going! You try to raise them to be responsible good kids, but sometimes they just get away from you. Those Mayans I mean.