Top 5 – Best Positions For The Arsenal’s Newest Member

An arsenal of weaponry is only as good as the sum of its parts. Therefore each unit within the arsenal must be in the most optimal position possible in order to fully achieve it’s potential.

The newest member of the The Arsenal of Scolenton (right next to Arprismass!) goes by the name of Jay Emmanuel-Cannon Head and has been trying many different positions throughout the last couple of weeks. Here at the Company, we tried to rate which of these positions turned out to be the most effective for Mr. Emmanuel-Canon Head.


5. Beneath a group of scantily wardrobed middle-schoolers.

To be perfectly honest, we are not sure why he even tried this one out. This seems awkward at best.


4. At point blank range.

Although this would clearly be an effective position to be in when combatting enemies such as Infantry United, this seems a bit cheap. Certainly would not be a crowd favorite.

3. On the beach.

As opposed to position 4, this certainly would be a fan favorite. Who doesn’t love a good sweaty, sexy beach scene? Certainly noone.

2. In a museum.

Basing on extensive experience, there is nothing more stirring than a museum. Also based on experience, museums are ALWAYS a good place to pick up the ladies & what not.

1. On a mother-spelunkin’ ship!

Cannon Head is on a ship! Jay Emmanuel-Cannon Head is on a ship! Take a long hard look because this mother-spelunker is on a ship! See, citizens, that was an SNL reference and wasn’t dated and overused at all!

So that’s our top 5. Leave your thoughts below!



Filed under Hip Things & What Not

50 responses to “Top 5 – Best Positions For The Arsenal’s Newest Member

  1. David

    this seems very good although i didnt read it

  2. David

    USA beat Spain
    What who said the US was bad

  3. Michael

    i belive it has been over used the refeance that is

  4. Michael

    cant spell mother@!&*s

  5. David z

    this seems to make some sense but only to the untrained eye of a person who cant read

  6. David

    i just read it and it is good to the point of an animal ripping off my right arm

  7. Big K

    David u seem not to get very much as u have done nothing but muddle about in theses affairs with no such meaning to anything you say

  8. jonny

    u guys r on crack

  9. brett

    uhhhhh i liked it but these other guys just dont seem to get it the minds must be in the gutter

  10. lauren

    those kids are really short 😉

  11. lauren

    yo boy watch u say to me

  12. mercedes

    mmmmm i like this it be good but girl watch u talken about short people for

  13. alex

    keep it clean kids ready this u know

  14. Big K

    this has got out of hand in a way that is not able to be decided yet

  15. Kate

    Big k wat u doing u r the biggest u know wat on two feet u think ur all high and might cuz u go to UVA

  16. Big K

    you know what i don’t care

  17. ryan c

    ya’ll a bunch of pricks

  18. john

    I never do grow tired of reading things such as this

  19. Mario

    lei la femmina di asino muta voi tutti dovrebbe andare lo scavo un foro ed un pianto in esso

  20. kate

    whos the sexy italian

  21. elijah

    Ive probably learned more about canons from this article than anywhere else

  22. jonny

    dont get ur hopes up it could be a fake person

  23. mercedes

    yo girl dont go after every boy keep it in yo pants

  24. jose

    i like the canons part

  25. kelly

    haha u guys r so funny

  26. brett

    im going back to this page it awesome

  27. mohammad

    oh this is cannon thing is awesome

  28. manny

    You guys need to get a life.

  29. lauren

    big k go suck a………..

  30. Kate

    i really have a life im just brushing up on my grasp of cannons

  31. Mario

    u american no?

  32. Stasia

    some of these positions are very interesting 🙂

  33. Big K

    you know what Stasia you seem to have no position what so ever what you got to say to that

  34. lauren

    i love those short kids

  35. mercedes

    girllll u need to get off that paint thinner

  36. sean

    i love cannons that strap in

  37. josh92

    stop talking to yourself kid. This is an extremely legitimate article and you are just ruining it by leaving these comments.

  38. Jack jj

    yea u this is a good article keep the comments to urself

  39. jonny

    yea i dont know what u two are talking about

  40. Pingback: Top 5 – Best Positions For The Arsenal’s Newest Member

  41. ryan

    if any of you did read this you would know its a master piece

  42. josh92

    it is a masterpiece, thats why i stated that it shouldnt be ruined by these comments

  43. paul

    Josh92, you should really lay off and realize that this is meant to be humorous so realize that this is all in good will

  44. Jimmy

    i think we should all stand in front of a cannon and see what happens…

  45. Leah

    Well I personally believe that this is a well researched article, keep up the good work!

  46. spencers09

    I second that

  47. mike

    I never new museums are a good place to pick up chicks

  48. chris88

    Well as demonstrated by #5, they obviously are

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