My Feelings on Eagles



Can’t live with them and can’t live without them, eagles are an essential part to our daily lives (and our daily wildlifes.) The following is a list of good eagles, bad eagles, and the just downright mediocre eagles that make our lives so much more interesting.

Bald Eagles (A-): A strong symbol for America and a wonderful pet for mountain men, the bald eagle has definitely found a place on my good side. Although it is endangered and therefore probably pretty weak and pathetic, I still find quite a great deal to love about this feathery friend (or enemy if you’re Russian) and therefore am definitely pro-bald eagle.

American Eagle Clothing Co. (F-): If I were attempting to pass off as a twelve year old then by all means would I have given this a higher rating. I, instead, prefer to dress like a 19th century Spanish matador. That is why I exclusively shop at my local matador clothing & supplies outlet named Matador Clothing & Supplies Outlet. Great service and prices that just cannot be beaten.

Eagle Vs. Shark (A): Starring Jermaine Clement who also stars in the show Flight of the Conchords as a character named Jermaine Clement, this movie really takes flight. Just like an eagle!

The Eagles (D+): This is a generic-sounding overrated band that has overstayed their welcome by far in my ear/ear lobe regions. Maybe if they had a bald eagle in the band my thoughts would be different, but last time I checked they were still bald eagles-less. “Hotel California?” How ‘bout “Hotel Calishmornia.” With an insult like that I bet they will be moping around their multi-million dollar mansions for weeks.

Golden Eagles (B): If they are truly made out of gold as I am assuming, than I am definitely pro. In this failing economy, I could definitely use an eagle made out of pure, lucrative gold. I would give this an A, but I feel most stores would not accept a golden eagle as payment, so it loses a few points for a lack of ease of use.

Philadelphia Eagles (D): I have never been a big fan of the old tossing of the pigskin and the old caring who tosses it better. Too time consuming and far too trivial, I really cannot help disliking this unfortunately widely celebrated pastime.

Philadelphia Eagles if you are a football player and therefore much stronger than me and reading this (A+++): Football is the greatest sport ever invented, am I right?

Department of Eagles (B): A growing list of really trendy people, such as Robin Pecknold from Fleet Foxes, (which incidentally had the best album of the year according to a collection of even trendier music blogs) are professing how much they love this band. That means I should love them too, right?

Eagle Eye (C-): OMG!!! Shia Labeouf! But in all seriousness this movie was absolutely positively so-so. Words cannot even describe how much I had neutral thoughts towards this movie. (I am going to let you in on a little secret, I did not see this movie).

Eagles of Death Metal (D): They lost me at death metal.

British Royal Navy HMS Eagle (A): As far as Royal Navy warships go the HMS is top-notch, and when I say top-notch I mean it, sailor’s honor. With eighteen ships and an immeasurable amount of prestige, this British fleet will never be resting upon the bottom of the sea.
Boston College Eagles (B): A college degree is always in style. Wrapped around the neck it makes a great scarf.

Eagle Insurance (B+): This Chicago-based vehicle insurance company has been dutifully serving Chicago residents since 1961. It’s a family business, run by families for families, just as I like my insurance companies to be run. I do not have any personal experience with this company but from word of mouth I have heard many good and some fantastic stories about superb quality, superb friendships made with the heads, hands, and knees of this company, and even some stories of the company’s superb quality too!

Eagle Scout (A++): We as Americans owe a great deal to these brave young men and lest us not forget that.

Eagle, New York (B-): I do not know anything about Eagle, New York but if my estimates are correct, and my guesses usually are, this is probably really close to New York City. The NYC (New York City) is a great place, even though nobody really ever gives it credit. I would say this moderately sized city is probably one of the most underrated and non-talked about places on Earth. There is so much to do! Tourist options include, but may be limited to, either seeing the wonderful sights or the undiscovered plays of Broadway. This I learned from a travel guide I once stumbled upon after it was accidentally placed upon a rack with more famous destinations. The travel guide somewhat reassured me that there is something that can be found to do for at least a couple of hours. And it is not crowded at all so that is always a plus.

Beagles (A): Just because the name says b-eagle, do not assume that these furry friends are not on varsity. Let me just say, these creatures have done more than their fair share. I once personally witnessed in episode of Charlie Brown where the most famous beagle of all, Snoopy, single-handedly took down the evil Red-Baron, which from my understanding was basically the death note to Russia during the Cold War. So from saving the United States from international conflict to being just so darn adorable, beagles are at the head of their class.


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