How Things Work: Water Bottles

Today we delve into the scientific mastery and architectural genius of the water bottle.

Size does not matter. Unless you want your thirst adaquately quenched

Size does not matter. Unless you want your thirst adaquately quenched

A Little Bit of Background:

The water bottle (or drink dispenser as I like to call it) was invented in 1853, by a young man named Frank Lloyd Wright while trying to find the Northwest Passage. He was sent by the king of France to see if he could discover an underground passage in the recently discovered “New World” that would stretch from modern-day Maine to the East Indies. Like all challenges presented to him, Frank Lloyd could not turn this down, due to his ardent OCD problem. While searching for the underground cave, Mr. Lloyd stumbled upon a natural waterfall. As he would later write in his diary, “It was beautiful like a woman, but not as overbearing.” This waterfall spoke to Frank Lloyd Wright as nature tends to do to people who are all alone with no witnesses near by. This waterfall taught Mr. Frank how to harness its power in order for him to quench his thirst at a later time, such as after a hard workout at the gym or after accidentally kissing an ugly girl at a party while blind-folded with a laugh-track playing in the background of the scene. So I suppose technically the waterfall actually invented the first water bottle, but the Democrats would not have anything to gripe about anymore if it were learned that plastic was indeed a natural resource. Those Democrats and their conservationism.

How it works:

Manufacturer pours clean, crisp, non-carbonated water into the bottle. Newton’s third law of “Things that stick together, stick together” verifies that all the molecules of the bottle will hold the water up from falling due to Newton’s invention of gravity. A cap is placed on top to top things off. And then the bottle is christened and baptized by a resident priest to make it kosher (if the bottling company is atheist, the priest is replaced by a “un-priest.”


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